Getting out of my funk…

For the past few weeks I have been in a funk. I mean, seriously, I have just been discontent with life in general. Normally I try to be a positive person, but this has reminded me at just how human I am. What’s pissing me off is I can’t really pinpoint exactly what it is I’ve been so down about… Is it my job? My personal life? I don’t know… I think a combo of all of it. I feel stagnant at my job. I briefly attempted dating, met a guy I liked, but it didn’t workout. My daughter started kindergarten, so I sort of have an empty nest thing going on. I also had a birthday recently, and although I’m learning to embrace getting older, it does remind me that I’m not exactly where I thought I would be in my life right now. When I was little I never had aspirations to be a single mom at 35, working the same job for nearly 15 years, but hey, it is what it is. I am grateful that I do have a healthy and happy daughter, a steady job that does provide for me and her, and a safe home for us to live in. I realize that. I do also realize how lucky I am to have my health and so many other blessings in my life. So, I guess I am exactly where I’m supposed to be right now, but I do want more… I want to keep moving forward in life, while still taking time to enjoy it. How do I do that? It’s not that I don’t have goals and aspirations. I do, and I am slowly checking off those “bucket list” items. I guess I’m just a little overwhelmed at the different directions I can go, so it’s causing paralysis by analysis. I sit and think every night, trying to figure out what is the best way to approach so many different situations… I need to just fucking DO SOMETHING! Stop rationalizing things and just take the leap… but to be honest… it scares the shit out of me! Because I’m not talking about little goals like competing, or traveling, learning a second language, or buying something I’ve always wanted. No, these are major life changes! I am in my comfort zone. I’ve stopped taking chances when it comes to the big stuff. When I was younger, that sense of fear wasn’t as big as the sense of wonder of what could be. I mean, I’ve always been pretty sensible, but I didn’t fear pursuing a new job or a new relationship or whatever. I know part of the reason for my fear is because I am responsible for my daughter as well as myself, but it’s more than that that’s holding me back… I feel like that old dog that can’t be taught any new tricks… but that’s bullshit! If a friend of mine was sitting here telling me all of this, I would tell them they are being ridiculous and to just go for it! So, starting today I am going to take action. I am going to pursue a couple of avenues that have already been presented to me. As Wayne Gretzky once said – “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” I’ve been given these opportunities, so I need to take them, instead of fearing that I may fail at them. I have been asked by a couple of different fitness websites to contribute to them. So, I’m going to finally do it. I love fitness. I know I want to eventually move into a career that involves fitness in some way, so I’m going to try this. Maybe blogging and writing articles is the way to go for me… maybe not… who knows? But the one thing I do know for sure is that I will never know unless I try. Fitness is a huge part of my life, and it keeps me sane… Despite that fact that I’ve been a totally depressing slug the past few weeks, I have continued to go to the gym everyday and eat clean. Maybe I can inspire someone that may be going through something similar to continue to take care of themselves physically, because it does help. It does prevent me from just pulling the covers over my head and completely shutting myself off from the world. I do want to help people, and maybe this is the way I can do it. As for the empty nest syndrome I’m feeling about the kiddo… that is passing and I am adjusting. I do enjoy having time to myself each day to get things done, or even just having quiet time to think. As for not having a relationship (that everyone seems to feel is necessary I have. 😉 ) I think I’ll just keep working on the relationship I have with myself. Maybe I am scared and avoiding getting hurt, but it’s just going to take time, and eventually it will feel like the right thing to do. You can only climb one mountain at a time, and I’m choosing the one that I have total control of where it goes. I create my own happiness, and I’m creating my own destiny. No one else is going to do this for me. I decide who I am.

Eat Clean… Train Dirty…. Oh, and be happy. 😉

https://www.facebook.com/StacieMountain

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